Bajramshahe Jetullahu
The interviewer: Welcome Mrs. Bajramshahe. Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed and share your story as a refugee. Could you please begin with your story, as much as you remember, from the time the war started – where you were, who you were with, and what happened.
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: Thank you for reaching out to me. So, the day the NATO bombing began I was in my apartment with my family. I was living in a building that consisted of 18 apartments and Serbian families were living in 8 out of those 18 apartments. At the moment when the bombing occurred, when the main post office got bombarded, that’s when the terror actually started. The kids were frightened, but so were we the grown-ups. I was blind, and my husband was blind, too, so we were stressed about what was going to happen to us. We heard some noises from the residents. All of them had gone down to the basement and so I took my children down there. At that time, I was partially sighted although I could not see much. I took my children down to the basement. While I was getting out of the room I heard a voice who ran to the basement. He was a Serbian neighbor who had also taken his rifle with him… he was loading it. The children started crying and saying “Qeda is going to kill us, mom”. There was a Serbian policeman who had 4 children in the basement as well. We were standing in a row and sat separately on one side of the room; the Albanians were sitting to one side while the Serbians moved to another room in the basement. One of the policeman’s children, who was the same age as my son, had taken the rifle and was telling Korab to take it and play with it. But, we took our son, he sat on my lap, and I whispered to his ear trying to explain that he could kill someone with that. That rifle was most probably loaded and the child was 6 years old, he could’ve used it and something terrible could have happened. We stayed there and we were too stressed. The policeman said that every time we hear them bombing we need to run to the basement and get the entrance door of the building locked. For as long as we lived in that apartment the entrance door was never locked, be it day or night. But, that was the decision they made so the entrance door had to remain locked. Then, we went back to our apartments to calm down the children, somehow, but someone in the group suggested we stayed ready to leave at any time. Since my husband and I both had sight problems we decided to get the children dressed and whenever we would hear something we could run to the basement. When we left the basement, the Serbians had gathered to hold a meeting where they decided to massacre my family on the following day at 4 o’clock.
The interviewer: The neighbors?
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: Yes, the neighbors. But the question is why would they massacre us? This is because, back then, we were members of the organization “Lidhja Krahinore e të Verbërve” (the Provincial Association of the Blind). Although we cooperated with the former organization, we established this new Provincial rival organization and we were determined not to obey Serbia’s orders. I and my children took part in the protests or demonstrations as they called them, regularly. We raised our voices and our fingers as a sign to call out for NATO. During that night I heard them going upstairs and downstairs, upstairs-downstairs, I heard their steps, the doors were locked, and they would come to our apartment’s door to observe. They then covered our windows with some blankets. From the café on the ground floor, which the pensioners visited frequently, we heard Serbians drinking and saying “bring me an Albanian head on the table to eat as an appetizer”. The children were crying all the time. My husband, my older daughter, and I sat in the corridor close to the door and tried to listen to the movement if anyone was coming to observe us. On the following day, my husband and my daughter wanted to go out and buy some bread, but a Montenegrin woman came, who was our neighbor, Slavka – was living in the apartment alone with her daughter. She told my husband “I need to talk to you, neighbor”. My husband told her that “if you want to talk you could talk to my wife, not me”. She said, “I need to talk to you”. I told my husband to get inside and listen to what she had to say. I was thinking she had a gun with her and would shoot at us. My youngest son was 6 years old and my second son was 15. I asked my daughter to take both boys into the kitchen, and stay ready to take action whatever happens. I couldn’t tell her if the woman shoots at us or anything happens just take the children and run outside. My daughter took the kids to the other room and the woman asked for a cigarette.
The interviewer: She asked your husband for a cigarette?
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: Yes, she asked my husband for a cigarette because she had run out of them. She went on and said although she is a rough speaker, she has a good heart. I gave her the cigarette and also handed her a packet of cigarettes because you never know what will happen till the evening, I said. She looked at me and said, please leave the apartment before 1 o’clock – it was 12 o’clock when she came. I asked Slavka why, and she said that in the meeting they had held last night they decided to massacre my whole family. I asked her again, why, and she said because we had separated our organization from the Serbians’ organization of the blind. Also, she said another reason was that I and my children took part in the protests calling out for NATO regularly. I am sorry, but…
The interviewer: It’s okay.
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: I thanked her. Another female neighbor, whose mother was a Bosnian, was also there with us and asked Slavka about what they said about her. And Slavka told her that not only will they massacre her, but they were also going to chop her head off and play with it as a ball down the stairs. She was living with another woman so she started feeling scared and started crying. She asked me if I could take them with us since she did not have a father or brother, she was living with her 65 years old mother. Since Slavka was there I had to tell her no because we had no place to go either. Slavka told my daughter to go outside the apartment and see if anyone is coming to observe us. She asked her to observe in the corridor and begged us not to tell anyone what she had told us because they told her they will massacre her and her daughter if they find out I did something as such. My daughter went out the door and said “Aunt Slavka, the Mumir’s son is coming downstairs to stealthily listen to our door and going back upstairs”. Somehow she managed to escape. I told my husband that we are leaving. He said that we had no place to go. But, I convinced him to leave. We left the apartment as it was; the bread all prepared to be baked (as you could not find any piece of bread to buy), the water boiling in the pot – the dish with beans, and the bread dough in a bowl. I turned off the cooker, gathered my children, and left for my sister-in-law. They were living further from us as we were living in the city center. We slept there that night but the barrels of the tanks were facing that neighborhood the whole time. The neighbors guarded the whole night till the morning. On the following day, at 11 in the morning, a Serbian with a submachine gun (the same guy who sold cigarettes in the city) came to my sister-in-law’s place. He hit the door with that submachine gun. We all went to the door. He cussed us out and said, “Get out”. Everyone went out, and my sister-in-law’s husband was also blind just like me and my husband. I was there with my youngest son and my older daughter holding their hands. Everyone went out, but me, my son, and my daughter. He pushed us against the wall. I asked him what did he want from us, since the two other blind people went out and I was also blind, what did he want from us. When I told him that (*speaks in Serbian) – he told me to throw my Identification card on the floor. My son went behind my back because he was scared. He took my ID from my pocket and threw it on the floor. He said (*speaks in Serbian). I understood Serbians because I finished high school in Croatia, so I told him (*speaks in Serbian) – any other place, wherever, is better than here. He said that they would take us to Albania. We went out and ran away to a house in the village of Kolovica. My husband’s nephews were also there so we stayed there for the night. They were shooting from Llukar, in that direction, in that neighborhood, the whole time. We stayed in the basement more than we stayed in our rooms that night. On the following day, they started shooting. We were on the balcony. A bullet passed within spitting distance of my oldest son’s mouth. Fortunately, he was not shot. That bullet hit another group of people. A 12 or 14 years-old girl was shot dead. My daughter screamed and said “Kastriot is safe” – my oldest son. We went into the crowd, left the doors open, and ran away as we could when they stopped shooting. We got inside a house where a lot of people were already in. The children were crying. When the situation was calm an armed man came in and told us to queue and all walk to the train station. While walking to the train station, my oldest son was holding in his arms my youngest… he couldn’t walk. They targeted to kill my 6-year-old son. Someone from the queue yelled at my oldest son and told him to let the boy walk since they wanted to kill him. We put him down, but as he was walking someone stepped on his feet and his shoes were all ripped off so he had to walk barefoot. So, from Kolovica to the train station – actually to “Xhamia e Madhe” (the Main Mosque) in Prishtina, a gypsy – because I cannot call a man as heartless as him differently, came and hit a man from the right side of his face so that the blood from his left ear came out. The children started crying out of fear. We went back to my sister-in-law, trying to rescue ourselves, because even though we could have stayed for a day or two in the same place, on the following day they would force us to move out, for sure. The submachine guns’ shots were heard so we headed to the station. When we arrived at the station we saw a terrifying scene. Some women had given birth the previous night staying there in the train station – 7 of them. We were three blinded people with children. My older children did not know what to do; whether to help us as blinded or the younger children. Three trains arrived. Not all three at the same time but one at a time. My husband asked a policeman where was the destination of the train. He told him that the trains would take us to Serbia. Some of them said that the trains would take us to Albania. My husband said okay but, since there were too many people and taking into consideration our condition and the young children we had with us, we could have been separated – the children could’ve ended up someplace else, different from our destination. We could have been separated, the children would’ve had a hard time, as there was no one to help. He told my husband to do whatever we could. Another policeman told us to give 10 euros each so that they would help us. We gave them 10 euros per person but when the train arrived the man ran away and didn’t bother to help us. But, when the next train arrived, fortunately, the train doors of the train were right in front of us so that we could go in. We got on the train with our children’s help and got in a roomette. The train then stopped for a while at the cantonment. An airplane came to bomb the cantonment but when they saw us there it did not. They stopped us there on purpose so they could blame NATO for bombing us – killing us. We then went to the station in Fushë Kosova where there were also other trains coming from other places. Serbians were yelling (*speaks in Serbian). The children who could understand them were scared and started screaming out. They kept the train there until the next airplane came to bomb the train station. But, when they saw the train there stopped they once again did not bomb it. We then set off to Bllaca. When we arrived there, I can’t tell exactly where since I was partially sighted, but before we arrived at the border they stopped the train there for half an hour and opened the train doors. The ones who would get off the train would never come back. They would take them and I don’t know where they took them since I could not see. But, I could hear the others talking about how they took them, beat them, and dragged them. All of us staying in that roomette decided not to get out off the train unless they force us to. We arrived then at the border and got off the train. We had to queue. If any of us would move out of the queue they would kill us. I and my family were walking between the two railways. We walked straight on and wouldn’t dare to turn our heads around because we would risk our life. Another critical situation for me while walking to Bllaca was the rain. It was raining the whole time, and, I forgot to mention that I had eye surgery in Russia and not a single water drop should’ve touched my eyes for 6 months. It was raining the whole time that day. My eye pressure started raising… my eyes capillaries started bursting and I couldn’t see a thing. I was even more stressed but there was nothing to be done. We hadn’t eaten or drunk a thing for three days while traveling from Prishtina. When we arrived in Bllaca they were focused to move us abroad. We received the permits from the Macedonians who were also treating us terribly. Just like the Serbians the Macedonians as well, they were beating up the people. We got on a bus that was meant for us. There were 5 buses and we had the chance to go to Kërçova. We traveled for more than 6 hours and the bus did not stop anywhere. The kids needed the bus to stop, but we, the grown-ups needed it, too. We had physiological needs. It was dreadful. The children were crying, they were starving and needed to rest and lie down. They took us to a Serbian village where some relatives invited us to their place – it was Selami’s family but unfortunately I forgot their surname. We accommodated and stayed there for two weeks. After two weeks we realized that the war was not going to end so we turned back to the back. We stayed there for a week…
The interviewer: In Qegran, right?
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: No, it was in Stankovec. We wrote our names on the lists to leave abroad in two or three different countries. But, we were destined to go to Italy.
The interviewer: How much could you see before moving to Italy, what was the percentage of your vision?
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: With one of my eyes I could see as much as to orient myself, to differ between the color, to write down with a pen… But, when we moved to Italy, even though they welcomed us and were well-spoken, it was not a good experience. As a blind person along with my husband, we couldn’t eat at the dining table since there were a lot of insects.
The interviewer: In which city were you staying?
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: In Sicilia. You could dig down the ground and get a shovel full of insects. A lot of insects just like when the weasel damages the lawn. I couldn’t see much so I was scared that the children could eat something inappropriate. I would always take the children outside to eat food while standing. It was dreadful. They would only bring us 2 liters of water, for 5 family members, for 24 hours. The water was just as warm as the soup we normally eat. They would give us 100 grams of cookies – for 5 family members – in the morning and a loaf of bread for 24 hours. They didn’t give us any clothes. They started protesting to take us back to Stankovec. That did not happen, but we didn’t have good conditions. It was terrible. It didn’t rain for 8 years in that place and there were too many insects and other creatures around us like lizards… they once found a boa. They told us it was just a snake but I’m sure it was a boa since it was 12 meters long. Now you can imagine what could’ve happened to us. When the Kumanova agreement was signed we decided to go back to Kosovo. It was boiling hot in that place. If you didn’t take a shower every 10 minutes you couldn’t survive. We had to lie down on the floor, on the ceramics, the whole time because you couldn’t sleep on your bed since it was too hot. We didn’t have an air conditioner and there were too many residents in the building. It was terrible. We made the decision to return to Kosovo on August 17… actually it was August 18. As far as I can remember we had a flight on that date. We prepared all of our stuff in the evening, everything we had to take with us, although there wasn’t much to take back home from Italy since they did not give us any clothes or anything else. I wanted to take home some of the bed sheets as I believed we had nothing back waiting for us in Kosovo. I also gathered all the plastic spoons and forks they brought us to eat daily because I knew we had nothing when we would return. The Serbian police had broken into my apartment. I am sorry but I have to light another cigarette because all this is stressful.
The interviewer: It’s fine.
Bajramshahe Jetullahu: On August 17 – we had our flight the following day at 12 p.m. – I was weary and had eye pain. I had to have my eye check-ups but that was not possible there. When I got in the bathroom, I saw a blouse on the floor and as I bent down to grab it, my knees gave out. I hit the water tap with my eye. My eye went all out. I went to the living run to ask for some water and my children splashing water on me since I had fainted. I then regained consciousness. My son ran out to call the ambulance. When they arrived they tried to stop my eye from bleeding. I didn’t know what was going on. My children were scared to tell me that I had internal eye bleeding. I thought I cut my eyebrow and that’s why I was bleeding. But, when I closed my eye the bleeding would stop and when I opened my eye the bleeding would start. That’s when I knew that it was my eye bleeding. My oldest son called the ambulance, they came and tried for an hour to cover my eye in order to stop the bleeding until we got to the hospital, but it was impossible. They took me to the hospital. I hurt my eye at 12 o’clock, I arrived at the hospital at 1 o’clock, but they told me that their hospital didn’t have any services for the refugees. So, they let my eye bleed from 1 o’clock to n o’clock. I had terrible pain and of course, I would scream out and ask for help. I didn’t know much of the Italian language but I could speak the main elementary words, so I told them I had a headache. They wouldn’t deal with me. At 4 o’clock I had undergone surgery which lasted 6 hours. I don’t know their techniques, but I had experienced previous eye surgeries, so they should’ve used anesthesia. They did not use anesthesia to numb sensations for two hours. After the surgery, I stayed there for a week, and again when three days passed by I had another surgery which lasted for an hour and a half – again, without numbing sensation. Then…It was recommended for me to stay lied down for 45 days, but I only stayed as such for 1 night at the camp. They took us to Rocca di Papa, a place that was a 1500 kilometers distance. I stayed for 2 hours without using my eye drops and changing the bandage. My eye got swollen badly – right over my eyebrow. When we arrived at Rocca di Papa I remained without any medical treatment for another two weeks. They took me to the doctor after two weeks. They suggested I had another surgery, but they wouldn’t give me any information about whether I could lose my sight or not. So, I then got back to the camp. I had another internal eye bleed. They didn’t take me to the doctor at all. We had a flight to Kosovo after two months. Another terrible situation kicked in since we did not have wages; Serbia had cut off the pensions. We were left at the mercy of different organizations like Nanë Tereza that would provide us with the necessary stuff. We had too many needs but we could only receive the elementary ones to simply survive. When we arrived in Kosovo, our apartment was broken, all the main things were stolen, and what I cared about most was the washing machine and how I would function around the house. I now had lost my eyesight completely and I couldn’t buy a washing machine. When my brother-in-law found out we returned home he told us to go and get the washing machine at his house. So, this is the story of a refugee. I am Bajramshahe Jetullahu a mother of four children.
The interviewer: Thank you very much!