{"id":1233,"date":"2021-01-28T10:16:19","date_gmt":"2021-01-28T10:16:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/?p=1233"},"modified":"2021-08-18T12:07:00","modified_gmt":"2021-08-18T12:07:00","slug":"orgesa-arifaj","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/orgesa-arifaj\/?lang=en","title":{"rendered":"Orgesa Arifaj"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Personal Story of Orgesa Arifi<\/p>\n

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OA: Period after the war in Prishtina, in Arb\u00ebri, in the neighborhood where I lived, was very pleasant for me, I was little girl. The worries I could have had were of a 5-years-old child, shortly before the war. Concerns started from leaving the house, so the pre-war time for me was to be defined in one sentence, or with a game which is called hide and seek that we have played quite a lot. Returning home was of course very boring, but also very depressing, for the first time it seems to me that I knew what was boredom, that once you had 3 at the lapful that you were sleeping on the top of them, and I had for myself almost all the space at the back, but still I did not feel safe and happy, because I did not know where is my brother and where are my sisters.<\/p>\n

One of the interesting stories, or as a highlight one that I would call it, is while returning to Prishtina was the fact that my parents all the time were in move and have walked in order to give an impression to the paramilitaries that we are a very ordinary family with the fact that there is war in Kosovo, like we do not care, namely that was kind of instinct of survival, and simply to become that almost you are one of them. My parents spoke fluently Serbian language, of course due to their education and conditions at that time, but one day my parents and I went to see a neighbor\u2026 In fact, I forgot to mention one thing, in Arb\u00ebri in the neighborhood where we lived, we were surrounded by Serbian families where, in fact, my first close friend was a Serb, Zhana. Both she and I have somehow agreed, because Zhana new to speak Albanian language, I also knew a bit Serbian, and so on. One of the most shocking events that I experienced when I returned to Kosovo after Bllace, is that one day I went out to play with Zhana, and then, normally my mentality started to change when I saw how many people were suffering and how much bombs are being fired as we were animals, even the checking of paramilitaries, deportation of all of us. One day, my mother notices in the newspaper \u201cKoha Ditore\u201d, in which as always they have had these main columns, one of the photos is scrawled, almost all the time I as a child did not know how to notice Bill Clinton\u2019s and Milosevic\u2019s faces, I do not know why I mixed them, perhaps they were both old people, with white hair, or, again Bill Clinton was thinner, but still I could not distinguish them in some moments, even one of the questions that I made to Zhana\u00a0 that which one is, she also pointed her finger at Bill Clinton, because this is Milosevic and I somehow scrawled Bill Clinton.<\/p>\n

And my mother one day took \u201cKoha\u201d to read and tells me why are you scrawling Bill Clinton this way,\u00a0 I do not understand you, and I remained looking it, wait a bit, is this Bill Clinton?\u00a0 Now comes time for revenge and I go to call Zhana to go out and play, and I tell her I have an idea, let\u2019s play a game, I will throw this tree as far as I can and whoever gets it first will win, okay, we start to get ready, we take the position and at the moment when we wanted to move, to run,\u00a0 I, like a mad child if I can say, even very nervous after all those events that I had seen and heard, I have put my leg in front of Zhana and Zhana falls badly and injures her knee, it bleeds, and I start shouting at her why \u00a0you are lying to me unnecessarily, why did you do that? She did not say anything, and normally I left immediately home and I started to reflect and I noticed that I was very wrong, on the next day, because then it was too late, I was not allowed to go out at any time that I wanted. I was only in front of the house not even a centimeter away, and on the next day I went to call Zhana in order to apologize.<\/p>\n

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I remember I had a white shirt, the collar that my mother always put on me when I left the house and another skirt, with red and black squares like these skirts, uniforms of Sami Frash\u00ebri that we had. \u00a0I called Zhana, Zhana to come out and talk to me, and Zhana’s aunt appears and says to me to go home because Zhana is not here, and I tell her I know that she is there, and I know I was wrong, yes \u00a0I really\u00a0 want to apologize, please tell her to come out. Therefore, I insisted for 3-4 times, she tells me please leave, and in one moment I raise my head up and I see that someone pointed a pretty big rifle at me, and at that moment I know that my legs got stunned, and I started to sweat and I just lowered my head and continued, I do not remember if I started to beg\u00a0 to not shoot me or make any drama with no reason, but I survived this time, and since then I have not seen or heard about my close friend Zhana, who I believe has learned a big lesson and I expressed frustration from what I have seen and heard.<\/p>\n

The other case, this case is a bit serious, I was going to see a neighbor, he was of Bosnian descent, while the wife was Bosnian.<\/p>\n

During our walk, I was second, meaning my father was first, I was second, my mother third. In the meantime, while walking, which means in Arb\u00ebria neighborhood, we heard some noise from cars or jeeps that I did not have heard before, and they stopped in one place, and my father tells me to keep my head down, do not dare to watch, and promise that you will not look at them, yes, of course being a curious child, super aware of what is happening you cannot convince with such a sentence, and I raised my head, watch those soldiers, or paramilitaries or do not know how to call them.<\/p>\n

They were in some uniforms a little bit different than I had seen them every day, some uniforms in the shades of dark blue, blue, white, grey, \u00a0weird colors, with very strange hair styles, as if they were in any of Britney Spears\u2019 spots, many have had bizarre hair styles. They immediately started to search one house, but we got saved, and entered in the house of neighbor, uncle Nexh\u00eb, and my father immediately went straight to him and told him to come to the basement at once because there is a trouble.<\/p>\n

I also remember he woke up in the afternoon and said no Xhemo do not be afraid, I know them now, he opened the curtain and slowly was trying to close and run quickly, very, very fast in order to go to the basement. I even remember he had a red sweatshirt, even from outside he could have been pretty noticed.\u00a0 Those paramilitaries were amongst the most dangerous forces that were in Kosovo, they were a group that fortunately, for our luck, the reason for our survival was alcohol, that their mind was only how to find a warehouse with alcohol, even now as an adult I understand that they just wanted to spent somehow their time, and most of them were alcoholics, and we first have moved a bit, normally and fortunately we survived. Thus, after almost 20 years when I met with a journalist, the way how I described these paramilitaries, he was an English journalist who covered stories of Kosovo during the war, and he told me that according to my facts, if I can recall correctly, even though I think that I do, they were the most dangerous paramilitaries ever, and I was really surprised that he said it is a big surprise that they had saved you from few bullets.<\/p>\n

That each of them was armed, and each of them was more upset than the other one, and for that very reason, I sometimes think that we have survived from them, namely, they were so concentrated to break houses, in parenthesis under the alcohol that we succeeded to survive from them. Leaving from home has been expected also from my side, even though I was little girl.<\/p>\n

Feeling of that expectation has been defined by the clothes worn even at night, thus, even if something happened, just to put the shoes on and to run away somewhere else.<\/p>\n

I remember we were both sisters and my brother with parents. Namely, we were 6 persons in the car, a red Jugo that we had, I needed to sleep and I usually slept on the way. But, today I still remember the road to Skopje, that we planned to go to Skopje, and on the side of the road to Ka\u00e7anik there were some parts where the wall of the streets was with huge stones, which I remember and often see in the war movies, and then 6 days and nights in Bllace, where for me it was still interesting, I did not feel any concern, it seemed to me just another adventure, and a\u00a0 good one, necessary because we got the entire family together and we have spent time, energy and all worries without sharing with others, except with each other.<\/p>\n

Bllace for me was one of the strangest experiences, because there I have seen trucks from which were disseminating food for all those who were waiting in the cars, then I remember milk in the small packing \u201cTetrapak\u201d,\u00a0 big breads, p\u00e2t\u00e9s\u2019,\u00a0 cans, everything. Therefore, I personally noticed that I liked it a lot!!! \u00a0\u00a0I want to share with you an interesting story, when during the days in Bllace I see a friend from the kindergarten, I needed very much to go to the toilet, and when I met her she told me I know a place come with me.\u00a0 Now, from the part of Bllace that is very down, we went very high where are Customs nowadays, or not Customs, but the Border between Kosovo and Macedonia. I did my stuff, I slowly came back inside the car and I saw that my mother\u2019s face got pale, as it is the wall here that we are seeing at the moment. Suddenly, she took and hold my hand and again I did not know why, she started to tell me how much is she worried, she even yelled a little at me, and again without any idea I started to understand her concerns and worries that she had those 10-15 minutes while she have not seen me, because I did not get her permission to go to the toilet, I am grown enough not to be scared and nothing will happen to me. Then, the nights were very cold in Bllace, I remember that my father always rested his head on the steering wheel of the car, sometimes the car did not turn on and I remember 2 moments when he took some tools- I do not know what he did and at some point the car turned on.<\/p>\n

For me as a 5 years old, or 6, 5 and a half has actually been a little bit better, because I used to sleep in in the lapful of my 2 sisters and brother, therefore after few days my mother and father decided for the brother and two sisters, since they were older and it was very dangerous to go back to Prishtina with two young girls, because we have heard about many, many cases of rape of women and young girls. Apart from that, my second sister had short hair, but the second sister was very feminine and her voice was more feminine, she still has it, so they definitely committed for the three of us to not go back, but to continue to go to Macedonia, after the departure of my sisters and brother to Macedonia, more specifically in Gostivar, I know that they went to Gostivar, to the eldest sister, she was already there, she was married and was there with her husband’s family. We went back to Prishtina.\u00a0 War for me has had many effects, sometimes I see myself again as having a little difficulty when I am alone, except for the fact that it was quite traumatic when my parents decided for the sisters and brother to go, then I know that I had an immediate effect when we returned to Kosovo, I could not urinate for about 1 week due to the stress which was accumulated, it is not that I felt stressed, yes, I apologize. But, normally the subconscious has reacted somehow and it was expressed in that manner. Fear, when I turned 23 years I knew exactly what was Panic Attack, and the way how Panic Attack is manifested I have noticed that it is from the noises that I do not expect, let me take an example if I see a firecracker that is going to crack, I predict the noise that will make, but if it cracks at my back, it is just a kind of indescribable stress that manifests to me with dizziness, sweaty hands, high pulse, decreased blood pressure, etc. I also noticed that during the bombing while I was in Pristina, I remember when the Post Office was bombed, even though my mother kept telling me that they are not firecrackers, nothing is going to happen, I did not hear, but, I think that I knew what was happening, because the noise has been extremely high, even from Dragodan you could see everything. So, I definitely have psychic effects, fortunately I do not have physical. And I am very convinced that over the time, to many, many people \/ individuals those will be manifested and expressed, maybe even personally some of them over the time that had been accumulated in my forgetfulness, even for the fact that I did not go to the psychologist to talk about this issue, I am aware of these two or three effects, but for other things NO. Perhaps it has to do with the way how they speak in Serbia, for e.g. a person who is fluent in Serbian language speaks fast which makes me feel disturbed.\u00a0 I like Serbian language, I like for example the fact to go to Belgrade, there are many open-minded people, they are very, I mean they welcome you very well and everything, but still when I hear someone speaking very fast even if the person 100 % gives me warmth, again it makes me feel disturbed. Even now when I hear myself, I notice that I do not have many great effects, I experience them more during holidays and in March, because normally in those days are memories for Jasharaj family, or when it is being discussed in the Parliament about those who are missing since 20 years, etc., etc.<\/p>\n

Thus, I can say that I would never want to be \u201cin the skin\u201d of those who no longer have their beloved ones and still have not found them.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] [\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Personal Story of Orgesa Arifi   OA: Period after the war in Prishtina, in Arb\u00ebri, in the neighborhood where I lived, was very pleasant for me, I was little girl. The worries I could have had were of a 5-years-old child, shortly before the war. Concerns started from leaving the house, so the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1230,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1233"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1233"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1233\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1260,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1233\/revisions\/1260"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1230"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/museumofrefugees-ks.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}